So what’s up with bicyclists who don’t wear helmets? I understand that cranial protective gear may look a tad brain-like and will thus compromise any attempt at a fashion statement – of course splattered brains mixed with some gravel always goes well with American Apparel. Many people just aren’t willing to sacrifice their dignity to ensure the confinement of brain matter.
My husband is a cyclist and so I have a vested interest in the ‘to wear or not to wear’ matter. Hubby always wears a helmet – his choice and mine. Some of my friends wear helmets and others don’t but only one of my friends has had two close calls with brain transference over the past six months. Her name is F-Dawg and she was knocked off her bicycle by a taxi and her backpack saved her beautiful head from meeting a tragic conclusion. And just the other day, she fell off her bicycle in front of a bus when her flare-legged trousers got stuck in the chain. Naturally she was more concerned about the ruination of her wardrobe than the fact that she was nearly squashed by a giant red bus, in which case a bicycle helmet would most likely have proved redundant. In any case, she is clearly the ‘glass half full’ type. Today, F-Dawg returned from lunch with a glint in her eye; that special post-shopping glint that women find so difficult to hide. She had spent £25 on a snood. Yes, apparently snood is a real word. Who knew? Her snood came with an instruction manual and F-Dawg spent five minutes educating me on all the reasons why a stretchy scarf thing is invaluable to cyclists of the feminine variety, especially in 
the rapidly descending cold winter months. I said to her that if her weirdo logic informed her that her money was better spent on a snood than a helmet, she should rather wrap it around her head to protect her brains from spilling out and traumatising any onlookers the next time she crashes her bicycle. The Taliban-look certainly has its advantages. For months, I have been telling her, in an older bossy sister kind of way, that she should buy a helmet: no, it won’t always save a life and perhaps it provides a false sense of security but for someone riding a fixed gear, in London, in heels; it seems a necessity. I do feel consoled by the fact that she has at least purchased some form of headgear. A snood is a start. Next is a skull cap.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, amazing.