“So, throughout life, our worst weaknesses and meannesses are usually committed for the sake of the people we most despise” (Charles Dickens, Great Expectations). Days and days after reading Great Expectations the sad truth of Dickens’ observation still resonates in my mind. Human pride is a deadly thing. It is all too easy to get caught up in bitter vendettas against our enemies (or ourselves if self-loathing is the issue) – to ‘save face’ and to display strength against those who make us feel inferior. To care more about the thoughts of those who matter little whilst taking for granted the love of those who matter most. To bear grudges against those who have hurt us, when frankly, they could care less. What a waste of time! I guess that’s why font-of-knowledge, Oprah-protégée **shudder** Dr Phil says that forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving than the person being forgiven. It’s about letting go of pride, resentment and bitterness.
Remember Se7en? A most awesome film starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman as detectives on the hunt for a serial killer (Kevin Spacey) intent on making a point about how sucky the human race is, by carving up victims who personify the seven deadly sins (greed, sloth, PRIDE, gluttony, lust, wrath and envy). Pride is personified by a model, who is found dead on her bed with PRIDE scribed on the wall above. John Doe (Spacey) cuts off the model’s nose (‘to spite her face’) and gives her a choice: suicide by sleeping pills or calling for help and living scarred. Pride wins the game. Similar in concept is the Saw franchise, in which puppet-master Jigsaw carefully selects his victims and then, in an intricately constructed ‘game’ littered with elaborate booby-traps, forces them to confront their flaws and weaknesses by making a life (and disfigurement) or death choice. The method behind the madness is that if the ‘right choice’ is made, the victim will live a moral life comprising gratitude and true freedom, attained through the self-realisation enforced by the puppet-master. Each of Jigsaw’s victims has his/her own weakness but the crux of the matter is pride – the willingness (or not) to admit one’s weakness. Jewish proverb: “Pride is the mask of one’s own faults”. What saves each victim is the split second decision to abandon pride … the prospect of imminent death may help as well. The irony encompassed in the notion of being taught ethics by some psycho-killer is disturbing and unattractive but totally mind-blowing when watching his happen on a 30ft movie screen. These films (as well as Dickens) serve as a reminder, a somewhat extreme reminder, of the destructive nature of pride. “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18)
Renton posed an interesting idea: in order to truly forgive, one still needs the perpertrator to suffer in some way. It is impossible to forgive with your whole being without being granted the opportunity to expel the anger and the hurt. Hence the saying: forgive and forget. how can one forget when the insidious angry twisting in their gut constantly reminds them? To say that one can release the hurt and anger through means other than inducing suffering is bullshit. pain caused by the hands of another does not simply vaporise. It is not something that we choose to hold on to. It holds onto us. It suffocates us. It is so very pious and utterly ridiculous to say that it is “only hurting us” and thus we should (very simply, of course) “let it go”. what we need to do is provide the anger with a new victim – the culprit (an interesting paradox, albeit valid). In fact, this very act – suffering and forgiveness forms the crux of the Christian belief system. (this act was achieved by proxy, of course). God was angry with His people, and He desperately wanted to forgive them, but had to have release for His wrath. This does not indicate a weakness. This is the intended path for forgiveness – making the culprit aware of the pain he (or she) has caused, so that forgiveness might benefit both parties – release for the victim, and newfound understanding and growth for the perpertrator. As we are created in God’s Image, it is no wonder that we find ourselves walking along the same path, and should not feel morally “weak” for doing so. We are designed to do so. Yet, for some obscure reason, we are made to feel ashamed for such feelings of retribution. Hence, we never voice our hurts (to the culprit, that is) and so the anger and hurt does eat away at us, as we have become the sacrificial lamb. The begrudging martyr. That is where the problem lies, not in the need to pour out one’s anger, but the fear of doing so. The fear of judgement and possible rejection. And, as you so poignantly put it, “the destructive nature of pride” tightens its stronghold, and destroys the victim. Satan ( and sin’s) perfect way of ensuring that we are very rarely (if ever) held accountable for all our wrongdoings and sins against others, because ignorance is indeed, comfortably blissful.
As you say, anger is not wrong and if true forgiveness is achieved through releasing wrath and venting anger…by all means! And maybe that is the most difficult part, to express anger to the perpetrator of the hurt, within the context of one’s own fears and insecurities of potential rejection and disppoointment. I think part of it is wanting the person who has hurt you to take responsibility for hurting you and to understand and acknowledge your suffering – and this is not always possible, for many reasons. God released his wrath on his people but his people will never fully know the pain, suffering and hurt that they caused God…our sinful human nature allows us to remain blissfully unaware of the true extent of the pain we caused our Creator. And yet God forgave us and sent His Son Jesus to redeem us. That is a true act of love – to forgive unconditionally (without the prerequisite of understanding and acknowledgement) – something that humans are not capable of. Only once we feel validated and acknowledged in our anger can we forgive. It is not the expression of anger that prescribes weakness but feelings of justification regarding our anger and the conditions we place on forgiveness. If society has prescribed weakness to the act of inducing suffering (as Jesus suffered for us) then it is up to us to follow the example of Jesus rather than the dictates of society. Easier said than done. If we refuse to follow the example of Jesus, we do not follow the path laid by which we can reach forgiveness (ie. expression of anger etc), are we not then responsible for our own suffering? Or at least responsible for perpetuating the suffering initiated by another?
definitely. I totally agree. God knew full well that the majority of humankind would not acknowledge their sin, but a few would, hence, the purpose of the ultimate of expression of anger, and of course then the ultimate expression of forgiveness and love. And yes, He has forgiven us unconditionally, but the release of His anger was central to this and a very necessary requirement.
And yes, we are indeed responsible for our own suffering should we wish to abandon this route. We should, as you say, let go of our pride which prevents such an intended course of events, not the anger itself.
Absolutely! Pride is a very scary thing and is lurks disguised in the form of ‘less serious’ vices. Thanks for a great comment and an interesting discussion!