Today, two of my favourite things met up, had a chat and raised the roof. No doubt ‘WTF?’ is scrolling through your head at this very moment so I will rid you of the expletive.
Spotify has hooked up with Glee and now my life is complete. I have been known to get excited, ecstatically excited, but today I managed to scare even myself. I have been waiting for this moment since the day that Kurt taught the football thugs to overwhelm their opponents with a song and dance recital of Single Ladies (Put a ring on it). Result: paralytic; on the floor; laughter – that was me. Quick interlude: on the subject of Beyoncé; the only thing to ruin my Glee karaoke session was the elimination of Kurt’s Single Ladies cover from the soundtrack. Tangible disappointment. No doubt Queen Diva herself would not give up the rights to her song, or some such thing. But even that biyatch could not dampen my spirits. Back to
the point: today DevilDriver, In Flames, Nightwish and co. made way for my Gleek identity, which stays in the closet (unless I am spotted humming a Glee tune as I walk down the street). The Glee cast’s version of LG’s Bad Romance is one of my favourites, and was made all the more endearing when my metal-head hubby said “WTF is ‘caught in a Bankomat’” – undoubtedly his hearing skills were tainted by a bad experience in Florence that involved Bankomat auto-tellers refusing to let us draw cash. It was traumatic. And more to the point, now “caught in a Bankomat” has replaced “caught in a bad romance”. I am sure LG would appreciate the creative license I have taken with her lyrics. Sue Sylvester’s Vogue obsession made for a great Madonna themed episode and the Glee cast’s version of Like a Prayer and 4Minutes have cemented a spot on my Spotify favourites list, as has wheel chair bound Archie’s ironic rendition of Safety Dance and Mercedes Jones’ Jazmine Sullivan cover of Bust Your Windows. Question to the Glee people: why the crap are Salt ‘N Peppa’s Push It and Quinn Fabray’s It’s a Man’s Man’s World (James Brown) missing from the album? Again, tangible disappointment.
So what’s with the Glee hullabaloo anyway? I watched Glee on a whim one day – I was bored. And now I can’t stop watching it. The satire is sharp and the show is just so damn funny. The Glee characters represent every high school stereotype fathomable and the tongue-in-cheek portrayal of teen angst is amplified (literally as well as figuratively) by the song and dance ala-high-school-musical routines 
inserted into the story. I was not surprised to learn that Glee was created by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan – Murphy and Falchuk being the creators of the sharply satirical Nip/Tuck (also brilliant). Brennan, Falchuk and Murphy write all of the Glee episodes. One can easily liken Nip/Tuck‘s Christian Troy to Glee’s straight-talking Sue Sylvester. Neither character registers very high on the morality scale, which creates a perfect playground for the black humour enveloping each show – Nip/Tuck to a greater degree and Glee to a lesser degree. Yet, both Troy and Sylvester, usually arrogant, ethically vacant and just plain rude are not merely two-dimensional characters; each has a sense of humanity and humility (however small). Troy adopts Wilbur, the African-American son of Gina (Troy’s deceitful, sex-addict ex lover) and James, and displays genuine love for the boy (as opposed to narcissistic self love) and Sue Sylvester bears the same manner of adoring affection for her younger sister, who has down syndrome. Nip/Tuck picked up a sledge hammer and bashed away at the cement wall covering society’s taboos and dark, dirty 
secrets, and Glee uses that same sledge hammer on the façade that is known as ‘the politically correct’. Christian Troy does what people fantasize about doing and Sue Sylvester says what people fantasize about saying. Sue Sylvester is the chief proponent of the politically incorrect and, in addition to the mass of Glee paraphernalia that will undoubtedly saturate the market, I vote for the production of a Sue Sylvester CD containing quotes by Her Royal Cheerioness. Such as:
Sue: Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about living on the bayou.
Sue: Will I’m not going to do this. Even your breath stinks of mediocrity.
Sue: You know, for me trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of them but they just keep coming. Sue Sylvester has hourly flair ups of burning itchy highly contagious talent.
Sue: I just lost my train of thought because you have so much margarine in your hair.
Sue: As Madonna once said, I’m tough, I’m ambitious and if that makes me a bitch, that’s what I am. Pretty sure she stole that line from Sue Sylvester. No, really. I said it first.
Sue: I’m gonna send this [hair] to the victims of Hurricane Katrina, so they can use it to plug the holes in their trailer.
Sue: I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.
Sue: I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help but picture little birds laying sulphurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.
Sue: I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.’
Sue: I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.
Sue: You have enough product in your hair to season a wok.
Sue: All I want is just one day a year when I’m not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.
… and that’s how Sue C’s it.
