Boy oh boy! Does the South African government face a mammoth task. Team ANC South Africa, captained by Jacob Zuma, will face the equivalent of the mighty Samoan giants on a quadruple steroid dosage which equals fifteen times The Thing from The Fantastic Four. The ANC opposition boasts the likes of Crime, AIDS, Unemployment and Corruption, and captained by (in the words of Roald Dahl) the infamous bonecrunching, fleshlumpeating, childchewing, meatdripping, gizzardgulping, manhugging, bloodbottling, maidmashing, bucherboying RECESSION. Built like trained assassins, team Recession will slaughter its opposition given an iota of a chance. The challenge is daunting but the ANC is left with no choice but to tackle its opposition head on. Of course chances of victory for Zuma’s men are hindered by a severe lack of loyalty (and scruples) within the team. On many occasions have ANC team members been known to coerce with the likes of Corruption and Crime, including captain Zuma himself. Captain Recession looms ominously in the background, carefully biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to claim his victims. Thus far, team Zuma’s game-plan in the impending challenge against Recession and his men is to “waste nearly R1-million of taxpayers’ money” as reported by the Star. Nkomo-Ralehoko, the MEC for Agriculture and Rural Development, purchased a R920 000 Mercedes-Benz without proper insurance and installation of tracking devices. The car was then stolen the same weekend, when the minister’s husband was hijacked in their driveway. A tad dubious perhaps. Fortunately the minister has consequently resigned from her position on team ANC – perhaps after the captain realised that management of a financial crisis is not best met with money laundering and corruption. So the shower remains above Captain Zuma’s head for the moment but team ANC’s enemies are not easily vanquished and there is no doubt that any false move against Aids, Unemployment, Crime, Corruption and the deadly Recession, will glue that nozzle firmly back to the captain’s noggin.

Mail & Guardian Wednesday May 13

Can a leopard change its spots? Not according to Zapiro. Zuma’s infamously familiar shower-head has embedded itself in the man’s brain and in so doing has formed an integral part of his character. The shower-nozzle is a symbol of the multitude of criminal charges, ranging from rape to fraud and racketeering, and from corruption to tax evasion, which Zuma has managed to evade with stealth-like ability. The nozzle is fixed to the man’s head and is unlikely to budge even with the help of a hacksaw, file, sledgehammer, blowtorch and chainsaw. So what can remove the stain of corruption that taints the reputation of South Africa’s newly elected president? Zapiro suggests that “being truly presidential” may help the nozzle to vanish. The cartoonist’s facetious tone is emphasised by the plaque on Zuma’s desk that reads “Prez”. The sacred principles of honour, dignity and respect that encompass the role of President have been undermined by the flippant reference to Zuma as “Prez”. Zuma’s resume falls far short of the required character and aptitude essential for the successful management of a country. Interestingly, the cartoon implies that Zuma is all too aware of the necessity to compensate for his less than worthy credentials. Judging by the plasters and cartoon-cacti sprouting from his melon, it is likely that Zuma will do more damage than good in his quest to rectify his reputation. To date, president Zuma has managed to avoid the radar of Lady Justice and it is thus most certain that in his newfound position of power, accountability will be avoided with the usual money under the table technique, at the expense of the citizens of South Africa. Corruption is the name of the game and its key player is the South-African president. (more…)