Torey Hayden is one of my favourite authors to read. Her books are absolutely heart-wrenching but beautifully inspiring. Hayden, an educational psychologist, writes accounts of her real-life experiences of teaching and counselling children with special needs. Her speciality is selective mutism but she has dealt with many conditions including autism, Tourette syndrome, sexual abuse and foetal alcohol syndrome. Hayden is passionate and dedicated, and through her writing she reminds us of how precious life is: so fragile and yet so resilient. The beauty of the human spirit is uncovered through her intense encounters with the afterbirth of the dark and destructive side of human nature. The reality of what many children endure is all too real but with the help of people who genuinely care; these children can overcome their tragic realities. But not always. Although Hayden’s job is often painful, she never hesitates to invest her emotional energy in the children she teaches. There are no half measures with this lady. It certainly takes a special kind of person to provide unconditional love irrespective of flaws. It is not something that comes naturally to many of us. She would rather love and risk being hurt than not love at all. An attitude that I appreciate. She generously gives of herself and in so doing makes herself vulnerable to hurt and disappointment. In my mind, this is what living is about, taking the risks to reap the reward, which may involve some pain along the way. To live is to feel.
In reference to the numerous psychology theories on the market today, Hayden states: “To me, there is no single framework upon which we can hang all interpretations of human behaviour. We create theories as a way of ordering the chaos sufficiently to have a chance of effecting change, but it is we, the practitioners, who have created this order, because it is we who need it. Any given theory, to my way of thinking, simply provides one route to interpretation and, like climbing the proverbial mountain, there are many other paths one could take” (Tiger’s Child). This is a philosophy that I firmly subscribe to. The innate desire for human beings to know and to master often inhibits the ability to love freely and unconditionally. We often set unconscious boundaries in our minds that say: I will give of myself, I will be generous of spirit, but only if you conform to my expectations and understanding. Hayden is by no means perfect and openly reveals her flaws and the errors in judgement that she has made professionally and personally but her inherent nature is one of compassion and love, which she freely hands out to those whose families have been unable to provide the unconditional love that every individual deserves. The difference that Torey Hayden made in the life of one small girl (One Child and Tiger’s Child) is captured in a poem entitled To Torey With Much “Love”:
All the rest came
They tried to make me laugh
They played games with me
Some games for fun and some
For real and for keeps.
And then they went away
Leaving me in the ruins of the games
Not knowing which were for fun
And which were for keeps and
Leaving me alone with the echoes of
Laughter that wasn’t mine.
Then you came
With your funny way of being
Not quite human
And you made me cry.
And you didn’t seem to care if I did
You just said the games are over
And waited
Until all my tears turned into
Joy.
I really am inspired every time I read one of her amazing books. I love the way she treats the kids and everyone else she comes into contact with. I’ve always felt invigorated to do something good or special once I have finished one of her stories. She also has a great philosophy toward mental treatment, which I think is why she is so successful at what she does. She has thrown off the shackles of a single theory and embraced the practices that work best for the child. I’d love to talk with this lady and learn as much from her as I could.