Darn Schlond Poofa!

Are you a Barbie fan. No? (Insert horrified scream face emoji). Barbie is a symbol of degradation, misogyny, inequality and anti-feminist ideology – you say. Blah Blah…bored already. Your contempt for all things Barbie is forcing you to miss out on one of life’s greatest and most significant discoveries.

If you are a Barbie fan and have spent many joyous moments with the crew from Life in the Dream House (because…of course you have) you will know what joy is at stake for haters who have not yet discovered (dum dum dum) the joy of the Schlond Poofa, first introduced in Licensed to Drive.  Watch this (and feel the rapture start to rise):

The potential of the Poofa was fully realised back in 2012 when fans freaked out in unison – a moment that has since been named The Night of 1000 Schlond Poofas. Never to be forgotten. The Schlond Poofa has since taken on philosophical significance, best understood by examining the history of said poofa (created by thekyan):

A close reading of this intricately documented history of the Schlond Poofa would have made it abundantly clear that it is simply reductive to refer to the poofa a mere harbinger of hilarity. It’s so much more. In a world that is highly orchestrated – from the routines that drive day-to-day existence to the contrivance of social media and the niceties of social propriety, the poofa exists as a clear metaphor for that which cannot be controlled. Even when you do follow the instructions, things may not turn out right.

Ken lives for many episodes under the illusion that his poor vehicle assembly skills caused the Schlond Poofa to fall off but realises in the end, when the golden Schlond Poofa falls off instantaneously even after secure attachment, that it was the Schlond Poofa’s fault for falling off Barbie’s car a year ago after all.

Some things just cannot be controlled, planned. Laugh it off. Get a bed spread and get over it. Ken did.


The number of times the word Schlond was typed out Schlong in the original writing of this commentary indicates that there is some deep Freudian significance embedded in the object. Not to mention its shape. Just saying.

Frequently asked Question/s:

Question: Is a Schlond Poofa a ‘Silencer’ or ‘Muffler’ (used for reducing the noise emitted by the exhaust of an internal combustion engine)?

Answer: What gave you that idea?