Musketeers remake sucks!

Here’s a thought: if you’re gonna do a ‘remake’, do it differently. Renovate, do anew. It’ll save viewers insurmountable boredom and abhorrent tedium. Thanks.

Here’s a warning: The three Musketeers (2011)… lame. So so lame.

Based on a nostalgic love of Stephen Herek’s The Three Musketeers, made way back when in 1993, I subjected myself to a 2011 remake. The fact that Paul Anderson’s modern version bears the same title as its muse, should have been a dead giveaway. I know Alexandre Dumas provided a framework but come on – how about a little artistic licence! Pretty much, 2011’s ‘Musketeers’ sucked – not even Christoph Brilliant Waltz (who was totally lackluster this time around), a big-ass blimp or some very very misplaced Matrix Milla moves could save this movie. The old one has Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, not to mention Tim Curry, and a great song. I should have known.

On a brighter note, ‘Musketeers’ 2011 did provoke me into an epiphanous moment. The A-Team is essentially the 80s version of the three musketeers. (Does this make me a genius or just… bored? Perhaps a bored genius – i’ll go with that). Think about it; four highly trained dudes ( Athos, Porthos, Aramis and d’Artagnan – Hannibal, Face, B.A and Murdock), an elite force if you will, shunned by their peers as the consequence of criminal charges inflicted as the result of a dubious set-up. Said dudes are the only ones who can ever get the job done in spite of the fact that every other musketeer/military man has had the same training.


Post epiphany, I spent the duration of The Three Musketeers trying to figure out who best matched Murdock.

PS. It’s OKAY to like this song (BING BANG BOOM 1993!):