Neverland goes on sale!

It’s been dubbed “The sale of the century”. No, it’s peter_pan_michael_jackson3not the Docs shop in Covent Garden. **sigh** Rather, Wacko-Jacko is to auction off more than 2000 items from his Neverland estate before it is dismantled. There is a versatile “orange spandex glove covered with orange Swarovski Loch Rosen crystals and rectangular mirrored beads” – it performs well when used to satisfy rectal itching and is great for fisting (Swarovski is very durable) and can be worn with most outfits on a night out. For those with a Royalty fetish, there is a “full-length red velvet cape with detachable faux ermine collar with gold rope trim, a gold metal cross brooch with faux cabachon gems and satin lining”, a “Katherine Baumann crown-shaped minaudiere with red, green and gold jewels” as well as a “portrait of Michael Jackson dressed as a king, oil on canvas, signed and dated 1995 and housed in an elaborate gold frame” – it has Henry VIII vibe – a skinny, black Henry VIII. For those who are fans of J.M. Barry with pedophiliac tendencies, there is an electric cart featuring an image of MJ as Peter Pan on the bonnet”. The cart comes with “Peter Pan cushions”, which are great for making little boys comfortable during the ride. There is also a “fire engine tea kettle with moving wheels” – a good option for those lazy tea makers. There is even “a coin-operated Grandmother Predictions fortune teller in wooden cabinet”, which is much more convenient than going all the way to your local gypsy market. I myself, am partial to the “prop scissorhand gloves that Johnny Depp wore in Tim Burton’s Edward Scissorhands“. Here’s a helpful suggestion when perusing the items on auction: avoid the “larger-than-life figure of Superman” – one just doesn’t know what an alleged child-molesting piece of plastic has used it for. If any of these items interest you, don’t let this opportunity pass you by – be sure to make your way to Julien’s Auctions at the Beverley Hills Hilton in April. One always feels good supporting a worthy cause. Maybe AIDS, cancer research or the starving, orphaned children in Africa. Well, a portion of the proceeds from the Neverland auction will go to a foundation that helps musicians in crisis. Perhaps a musician with an identity crisis, a $200 million debt and a penchant for little boys and hanging children out of windows. Sale of the century indeed!