Oscar 2011 kicks some ass

Ohhhh The Oscars. I do love them. It’s all such a fantastic farce: a group of so-called film buffs getting together to choose the ‘best of the best’ in as objective and a-political manner as possible (stifled laugh) and presenting awards to narcissistically nonchalant actors who pretend they don’t really care when they actually do – what a great metaphor for the masks donned by society in pretty much all situations that demand some form of social interaction.


This year, Melissa Leo saying “Fuck” was simply sensational and I was most glad about Tim Burton’s Alice winning Best Art Direction and Best Costume Design, and yay for Colin Firth and Trent Reznor who won Best Actor and Best Original Score respectively – although it would be kinda cool if it was the other way around; Reznor as King of England… radical!. But in 2011 my emotional investment was rooted in Natalie Portman, Black Swan and Christian Bale. Bale and Portman kicked some ass but, judging by comments on this morning’s blogosphere, the celebration of excellence on Bale’s behalf has been overshadowed by his awesome beard, which has become the butt of many a Twitter joke:

Dear Christian Bale’s hair, We don’t match, Sincerely your beard.

[I] completely forgot Christian Bale had an accent or is it the sound distortion from his beard.

Comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted: How cool would it be if Justin Beiber popped his head out of Bale’s beard and gave the acceptance speech?

And a ‘don’t worry Christian’ tweet from Rant!: To Christian: I love you and your beard. Please drop an ‘F-bomb’ next time. Thanks.

Probably the most fun part of the Oscars is that the awards incite a proper bitch-fest between actors, viewers and critics… especially if your guy or gal loses. So, to get the ranting rolling check out 2011’s Major Category winners:

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale (The Fighter)

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo (The Fighter)

Best Actor: Colin Firth (The King’s Speech)

Best Actress: Natalie Portman (Black Swan)

Best Director: Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech)

Best Picture: The King’s Speech

Best Animated Feature Film: Toy Story 3

Best Cinematography: Wally Pfister (Inception)

Best Adapted Screenplay: Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network)

Best Original Screenplay: David Seidler (The King’s Speech)

For a full list of winners visit Oscar.com.

As we shed a tear over Natalie’s niceness, let’s consider Oscar 2011’s fantastic fashion.

How many of you lovely ladies watch The Oscars just for the fashion? I’m thinking: a bunch of gal pals plus red wine plus gorgeous bods, designer gear, hot men and a red carpet equals BITCH FEST! Don’t feel ashamed; it happens just once a year (and that’s the story we’re sticking to). Just remember: jealousy makes you nasty, nasty is fun, fun leads to laughter and laughter is good for the soul. Who ever said jealous is bad?

Side note: jealousy is a great incentive. While you decide whether or not to eat that extra cookie or have another slice of cake, reminisce over the following (it may help you decide):

Mila Kunis. Whimsical. Beautiful. Favourite!

Scarlett Johansson. Hot dress. Hot bod. Hot!

Helena Bonham Carter: the film industry’s ambassador for Grunge – she just doesn’t give a shit even when she tries to give a shit. LOVE!

Jennifer Hudson. Breast envy. And red is rad!

Gwyneth Paltrow. Skinny people suck, especially when they look this good.

… and Christian Bale’s beard. It’s just so… cuddly!