Should Joffrey’s death have been…bloodier? Maybe? Please!





Couldn’t it have been, I dunno, bloodier? More gruesome. Agonising? The vile, rat-faced little cretin tormented us (never mind the poor people of Kings Landing…the whole of Westeros, in fact) with his putrid pettiness, his weakness and his vile villainy for season upon season, book upon book. He killed Ned Stark. NED STARK! Head of House Stark, Lord of Winterfell, and Warden of the North. Oh no, wait – he didn’t kill Ned Stark…no way, not Joffrey; he got someone else to do it for him. Flaccid, anaemic, insipid. Has there ever been a more repugnant villain? Please. Puh-lease! A pay-off is deserved. No, earned!

How about some medieval-type torture? Like Impalement! – Yes! Bring it on Vlad! Or maybe a Heretics Fork or a Judas Cradle? There’s also the Tongue Tearer, Saw Torture or the dreaded Rack. Not to mention ‘Hanged, Drawn and Quartered’.

The wolves could have eaten him. Arya could have mauled him. Ned Stark’s vengeful ghost could have chopped his head off! The possibilities are infinite (a sad fact except when Joffrey is concerned).

But no. Poison. Aka: Anti.Climax.

The day Joffrey died…

…the world should have taken on a sweeter hue. The sun should have shone brighter, the bees should have buzzed louder, the sky should have looked bluer.

POIson. Of all things?

dead-joffreyA lot more, even a little more, blood spatter would have done the trick. On the Pollyanna side of things, at least he looked kinda gross. And Cersie was pretty mad, so that was nice.

But Joffrey wouldn’t be Joffrey if he was despicable only in life. His villainy transcends his death; lingering on…our minds begging for more, for justice. A character that has evoked such a visceral response should leave a sour taste in the mouth, otherwise…well, he couldn’t have been all that bad in the first place.



Image attribution: Joffrey Baratheon