Titanic 3D – or not

So… Titanic 3D; don’t pretend you aren’t ditzy with excitement.

Question: will 3D make Kate’s boobs bigger? Hell yeah! And the innuendo of Leo’s pulsating love wand in the hand-sweat-car-window scene – you know the one – amplified! It’s like giant porn without the X-rating. Sweet.

Not really.

It’s just that… well… watching Titanic fifteen years after the fact does not bear the same cultish coolness as watching, for example, Boogie Nights or The Fifth Element – both made in the same year. It’s just not.

Here’s some advice if you’re planning on hitting Titanic aggrandised; pretend you hate the film – admit its sentiment and all American cliché – and sneak into theatre under severe disguise, making sure you have a good alibi.

Or say your mom made you do it.

You’ll keep your cool in tact whilst reveling happily in Celine’s vibrato and a Titanic catastrophe.