Who the F*** is Justin Bieber?

“Who the fuck is Justin Bieber?” Am I the only ignoramous asking this question?

Google tells me that he is some little boy singer/songwriter who has 7,786,947 followers on twitter – second in popularity only to Lady Gaga (8,513,963). Dear darling twitter – the popular culture definition for a worthy existence on this shamefully shallow earth – I should have known! But Bieber had better beware because Mr–Awesome-himself Charlie Sheen has recently decided that the world cares about his business and bookie odds are in favour of Sheen overtaking Gaga and Bieber to become Twitter’s most followed celebrity by the end of the month.

So South Park killing Justin Bieber was actually a prophetic revelation of boy Bieber’s metaphoric twitter death at the hands of Charlie Sheen, who, in the episode, is represented by the brain-squelching monster Cthulhu and his accomplice Eric Cartman. Check it out.

Other top twitterers facing social annihilation by Sheen include:

Britney Spears (6,995,229)
Barack Obama (6,806,855)
Kim Kardashian (6,530,887)
Ashton Kutcher (6,390,721)
Ellen DeGeneres (6,039, 475)
Katy Perry (6,009,644)
Taylor Swift (5,460,742)
Oprah Winfrey (5,214,718)

Oh great god of social media presence: let ‘Mr-Awesome-himself Sheen fever’ replace Bieber fever! PLEASE!