Kay… so the other day I was making my merry way down the road and happened to stumble past this little gem of a home. I say “stumble” because I did literally stumble when accosted by the site of a plethora of poor helpless teddies wedged in-between metal bars in what appeared to be some sort of sadistic art display. With, might I add, a purple-hatted gnome standing guard in front of the teddy massacre. There are no words to describe the horror…

I realise that this is the liberal city of London where even the most ‘abnormal’ is normalised by cosmopolitanism, but I am sure that some line has been crossed here.

My initial reaction was serial killer. Upon further consideration my brain hypothesised the violent teddy display as a paedophiliac attempt to lure little children into a debaucherous den of dementia. Then again, what child is going to be attracted by some scummy, rotting, pulverised teddies hanging in front of a window? And on that note, what better way to advertise serial killer status than to alert passers by to the fact that you suffered some sort of childhood trauma and are now taking vengeance on your stuffed animals. So with serial killer and paedo ruled out I am left to believe only one thing… this freaky-ass house is somebody’s idea of decoration. Aesthetic pleasure is relative to the eye of the beholder, right?

I am not sure which would make the teddy display more bearable; the expression of a masochistic murderer with a personality disorder or merely some artistic license lived out on the face of a home – perhaps they are one and the same. Curse that freaky house! Thanks to an over-active imagination and a love of horror films, confusion an unrelenting disturbance still permeate the crevices of my mind. And so I send out a plea:

Dear reader, if this is your house, please tell us (me) WTF?!